Personal Complaint

I'm sorry folks, but I have to take some time away from my main topics of interest: pig-cults, chupacabras, and our movie to lay bare something that is causing me aggravation without end. That something happens to be a joke in the "No Strings Attached" trailer. Ashton Kutcher brings Natalie Portman a "period mix" tape and one of the songs is "I've Got the World on a String." When this is revealed the music in the trailer dramatically stops and Ashton Kutcher let's out his rib-tickling punchline: "That's the doozy."

What does that mean?  Why is that "the doozy?" This line doesn't make any sense!  How is he using the word "doozy?" What is it going to do to her? If anything the line is more ominous than funny.

It's clear he could have said anything there and they would have stopped the music hilariously: "That's the bombshell." "That's the blockbuster." "That's the humdinger." "That's the tuna fish sandwich." "That's the senator of Rhode Island." "That's a song I particularly like." "That song is referring to a tampon in the context in which I gave it to you." "That's a song that exists."

It doesn't matter what he means by it anyways. In all the possible ways you can interpret "That's the doozy" it is not funny. It certainly doesn't warrant music stoppage. And if you follow the link above it also closes the scene. You close a scene on a line that leaves them laughing. It is clear the ad people think "That's the doozy." is the funniest, cleverest line of the whole scene. "It's like a crime scene in my pants" is not even in the trailer. That's clearly the funniest line of the scene. And it makes perfect sense.  But no, the trailer people were like "HA HA HA! The doozy! WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Imagine if I gave you a CD of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers greatest hits and you started reading the titles. "American Girl, Don't Come Around Here No More, The Waiting." Then your friend said "Free Fallin" and I said "That's the doozy." Things would carry on like I never said it, right? No one would linger on this phrase or collapse in laughter because it's not all that clear what I'm trying to convey. In any event, it's kind of a bland phrase. It's not like if I said "Boom shakalaka." That doesn't really make sense but at least it's quirky and lively.

So that's it folks. Every time they play it on TV I yell "Why is that funny?! WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN?!" And people knock on my door and go "Sir, with the yelling, can you stop?" And I go, "I'm sorry, it's that damn Ashton Kutcher trailer. Why is that the doozy?" And they go "Well, it's a good song and the title is particularly apt for menstruation." And I say "Yeah, but the line get's star treatment in the trailer and it is a very generic line." And they say "Look, just shut the fuck up alright?"

I only hope it's reign of terror ends soon.