Oingo

OK, I'm back. There is quite a lacuna between my last post and this one but that's because I have been very busy building a cult around the lyrics in this song:



Just ask if you want information on the cult and it's ancient mystic beliefs. We also have various rituals that I can summarize if you want. I'm not gonna lie, it mostly consists of consuming lot's of pork. But, like any cult, the tenets are subject to dramatic change without any notice whatsoever. That's the thrill of cult life.

The idea for the cult is based ever so slightly on the fact that the other religions have rejected pork in such a dramatic manner. It makes sense to pick up the pork-loving crumbs in a new religion devoted to pork and ham. If things progress nicely, I see coitus with a pig becoming a centerpiece for our worship. If enough people leave that will be subject to revision but as of now, I consider it an eventual eternal, essential, unchangeable commandment.

Aside from pig-worship, the main impetus behing the cult was a marathon listening-session of the Ghostbusters II soundtrack. This is the best song on it, and was stuck in my head in such an intense fashion that I decided if a religion didn't develope around it soon, I would just kill myself. It was kind of a joke at first, but I soon found out it is really easy to start a  religion.

Some of the members wondered if we would incorporate other songs from the Ghostbusters II soundtrack. For instance, Elton John's Love is a Cannibal seemed like a logical choice. But it seems to me a legitimate danger that cannibalism could soon break out among the members if this song made it into the canon. Also Elton John is gay. I don't want it to become too much of a gay sex cult, which is also a legitimate fear since the only members are dudes. The singer for Oingo Boingo, on the other hand, is married to Bridget Fonda. You have to be careful how you pick your apostles. Every religion is a reflection of it's leaders unbridled id. My id is filled with Bridget Fonda. If you let in too many gays, the group becomes pretty guy-heavy and there are no wives to take advantage of. Ordering members to give there wives to me is somewhat of a goal in this religion. So there will be limited gay membership. Sorry gays.

Someone also brought up the Bobby Browne song "We're Back" because it has a messianic flavor to it. I don't think I have to go into the many problems involved in allowing Bobby Browne to influence my religion. I would say, roughly, about a week into his being sainted, the group would be centered exclusively around cocaine. I want to be the most important thing in the group and if we let coke into the worship it will definately take first place. Also, I'm trying to keep all my saints white, because I'm white. In religions, you worship someone who is basically you. That's why Jesus became white. He is an empty vessel unto which all manner of personal beliefs can be attributed. That would be a lot harder to do if he was swarthy in all his pictures. How can Jesus be me if he's brown? I'm not brown? The same thing goes with Browne. I can't be Browne because he's brown. Also, black people make most of my group nervous, because they are exclusively white. We think all black people hate us, and we're scared of them. So, as is the case with lots' of new religions, we are going to be fairly discriminatory towards black people. We are going to look to early American Christianity to see how we can do this and still appear respectable.

If we ever grow into a legitimate religion, we will, of course, have to start letting in black members. At that point we will get our first black saint but it won't be Bobby Browne. Oh no. It will have to be Boss Nigger. I can't wait!