Propellerhead

Did anybody ever actually wear propeller hats? They must have. This company claims they've been selling them since 1976. Not only that but custom-making them. Who are the spazzes who want a personal touch on their propeller hat. The company has a list of their top 10 best-sellers (however that's defined) and I am horrified to discover that they are all adult-sized. Where are these proppeller-headed adults? I'm guessing they are hipsters or irony-mongers. I'd like to find someone who isn't wearing it in an ironic manner. Someone who would say "I don't know, I saw a hat with a propeller on it and thought it couldn't hurt." So if that person is out there, make yourself known.

Time out

I complained about the overwhelming amount of Michaels writing for Time magazine not to long ago, and suggested a Kermit or a Casper to sort of dilute the Michael-ness of it all. Not even meeting me halfway Time has unveiled it's brand-new regular columnist: Mike Murphy. Mike!

I'm not stupid, Time magazine, I am well aware that Mike is short for Michael. This bias for Michaels and variants thereof is extremely odd. I've never seen such a high concentration of Michaels. It is becoming increasingly clear that a Dylan or a Gavin would have no chance at Time magazine. Because the next Michael will be right around the corner, pushing them out.

Time, I think your Michael-crazed hiring policy is starting to be self-destructive. Mike Murphy is a Republican "strategist" or "consultant." In other words, a professional liar. Why do I want to hear from a professional liar? The correct answer is: I do not. Was Mike Murphy really the only choice out there, Time? Was he the only one willing to come on staff? Or was he just another Michael to add to your collection!? I'm on to you Time! And as long as you keep coming free to my home, I'll keep my eye on you.

Ruskies!

Somebody has stumbled upon my blog agaaaaaiin! And, as is my policy, I will reveal their search keywords because I always find them amusing out of context.

 In this case the person was from Russia and he/she plugged into Russias' favorite search engine, Yandex, the following: "the article shows the cult." I know, sounds a lot like Buffalo Bill, right?

Is it possible that my pig-cult is considered "the" cult in Russia? Well, judging by this video, I would say absolutely!

Now, wait a minute

There is a website called Pandagon where I thought I was going to see up-to-date information on panda's but instead I found a really angry post about a guy named Miguel. The author is Amanda Marcotte, and she doesn't appear to know Miguel any better than I do. Apperently dead level in our knowledge of Miguel, Amanda has somehow managed to form extremely intense feelings of rage towards him. It appears to stem from two passages from a book that he posted, in which a woman is beaten by her beau and also doesn't have sex with her friend who likes her. Miguel posted these excerpts in a manner that says, "Hey, what's wrong with this guy. He doesn't hit you." Amanda read these passages, went berserk and seems to have yet to recover.

She says Miguel's reaction to the woman getting beaten is, "Damn, there's one more woman whose pussy I'm not penetrating, woe is me." She implies that Miguel feels absolutely no sympathy for the woman, he is a self-absorbed narcissist, and that he is an asshole. Then she reads the rest of his post! HA HA HA HA! Thank God he didn't post something from Lolita or she might have contacted the FBI.

Here's the thing: She might be right about Miguel. I don't know. As of yet Miguel has barely written any words of his own. But isn't it possible that Miguel could feel sorry that this woman is being beaten and hope she gets help, and also would like to have sex with her? And isn't it possible that, feeling these two things, he only expressed one of them? What evidence does she have that he doesn't care about the woman? He hasn't even commented on the passage yet (and he really never does)!

So, here we have a woman with a fairly large following branding a man she has never heard of a misogynist based on two excerpts from a book he did not write. I implore her to have a higher standard of evidence than this. I am perfectly capable of feeling sympathy and sexual attraction towards all sorts of people. I didn't realize until this exact moment that I am alone in this. Sometimes I feel sympathy towards someone, and hungry for donuts. I really am something special! And here is something really wild: I hated George Bush but I felt sympathy with his dyslexic speaking style. Can you believe it? I felt two different things at once! And I only ever expressed my hatred. From this, I made the mistake that others also can feel two different things. But Amanda appears to think they don't. Amanda appears to think that if someone says something, that's all they're thinking. One of us has jumped to a very stupid conclusion.

The man in the story appears to be in love with the woman. I assume this would be true whether she was getting beaten or not. Obviously he would be frustrated that she doesn't feel the same; and I feel frustrated for him. Miguel seems to as well. I don't understand why these are such hateful thoughts. I have liked people who don't like me. LOT'S of people. Really, an unhealthy amount of people. It's frustrating. They aren't feelings people want to feel. But, feelings being feelings, there they are. So I will go on record ( knowing full well no one is reading this) as saying that I don't think Miguel is wrong for feeling sympathy for a man who is in love with an abuse victim (even if the man does seem like a jackass). And even though I disagree with Miguel, I find no evidence that he is a "megadouche" "asshole." On the other hand, in this case, Amanda Marcotte seems like a hasty, judgemental cunt!  :)

Another Review!!!

We have recieved another review for Jack's Living Dead Girl. This movie is spreading like a wildfire, in that it destroys lives and dreams wherever it goes. I will say, this weeks review goes light on any real critiques and is heavy on ad hominem abuse. But I'm a fair man, I'll let our critics be heard. Here it is:

What about Bob?

I don't know how else to say this: There are too many people named Michael writing for Time magazine. There is Michael Scherer, Michael Crowley, Michael Elliot, Michael Schuman, Michael Duffy, Michael Grunwald. There should not be more than 2 Michaels per issue. Where are they getting all these Michaels? They have acquired a Fareed and a Barton, which is certainly on the right track. I would like to see a Kermit and a Casper replace two of the Michaels and I will be well on my way to sorting these people out.

The Arrival = Not Winning

Don't get me wrong, I like Hot Shots: Part Deux as much as the next guy but can't we be done with Charlie Sheen at long last. Lot's of people can party with hot women without threatening and beating and shooting them. As far as I know, Hugh Hefner has yet to shoot a single woman. And his threats of violence just bring peals of laughter from whoever they're directed at.

It seems to me it doesn't take a lot to make Charlie Sheen angry and confused. He has a history of jumping to really stupid and hysterical conclusions. "This Asian movie is gross: must be a snuff film." "The Twin Towers HAD to have been brought down by our government." "Where are my shoes? I guess I'll strangle a hooker to death and leave her in a swamp."

And he appears to have an ever-expanding ego, meaning once he jumps to a stupid conclusion, he won't jump back off because he is never wrong. So, when a frightened porn star insists she had nothing to do with his missing watch, she is obviously lying because "special" Charlie is incapable of misplacing such things. Thus, the porn star must pay. This will eventually lead to the hooker in the swamp. In fact, if I were you people I would start going in shifts to the swamp and just wait for him to arrive. It should be any day now.

In contrast, if you want to watch a movie starring people who don't think they are right about anything, you should watch Jack's Living Dead Girl.