Bacon Bits

It seems that in Singapore the consumption of pork has, in the past, led to a mass fear of penis retraction. This interests me for two very personal reasons. One being my own intense fear that my penis is retracting into my body. The other being my pork-consuming cult.  If my members start believing that all the pork we're eating is harming their hog they may all leave. But I can reassure them in two ways.

First, the Singaporeans were not experiencing widespread shrinkage. It was some kind of Asian cultural disorder called 'koro.' Since the only culturally Asian thing about this cult is the break-room used panty vending machine I think we're safe from this disorder.

Second, while the illusion that your penis is shrinking may seem very convincing I can assure you from personal experience that it is just that: an illusion. What is actually happening is that the surrounding area is getting fatter, engulfing your penis. We are a pork-engorged people and we will see our fair share of fat-engulfed penises, so fair warning. But this is not penis retraction or koro. It's just getting fat off pork and it is glorious.

Dutch Lovin'

Having started my own pig-based cult I naturally assume having sex with a pig is somewhere in the future. Imagine my surprise when I stumbled across Bodil Joensen. Her nickname was apparently "the boar girl" and she has certainly earned the nickname, because her expertise on fucking pigs is unparalleled. I don't know if she caught her own boars in the wild and lovingly seduced them or if she was working with a domesticated variety. I plan on getting domestic pigs. I don't want to go through a long courting process. She sounds like a perfect mentor for a pig-worshiping cult but, alas, she drank herself to death. There was something about her life that was apparently askew, although I don't know what it could be. Who wouldn't love to live on a farm where after you milk the cow, the cow milks you back. Fortunately for PETA (People for the Erotic Treatment of Animals) the Wikipedia page has a link to a bestiality site where I can connect with all sorts of pig-fuckers.  Wikipedia comes through again! Not only can these swine-sucking so-and-so's show us the ropes but they seem like a natural fit as members of a pig cult. It's a perfect networking opportunity. To my way of thinking, if you're going to fuck a pig, you might as well worship it, and vice-versa.